Authenticity

It's Friday. I should be extremely excited that it's my last day to work, but unfortunately I'm not because I have to work tomorrow. That part is actually not that bad because I'm attending an adoption party for DHS kids who need a home. I've never been to one and it seems interesting.
The real reason I'm not excited is due to feeling like crap all last night and today. I believe I either have a cold or the beginnings of the flu. I really need a new immune system... this one is breaking down too fast.

Lent....how bout that? I decided, with much deep thought and meditation, to give up chocolate. "What?" you say, "chocolate? Meg? never!" I know right? But I really pondered my reasoning for giving up soda or procrastination, but I'm not addicted to those...well maybe procrastination but I'm getting better.

Chocolate, you see, is such a glorious wonderful gift that I give myself at least twice a day. I just love love love love love it. But, not more than I love God (cheesy? yes). Anyway, I know that sacrificing something that I feel I must have every day is what I really wanted to accomplish this time around. I've been participating in Lent since I joined the Nazarene church in highschool, which oddly enough my church thinks is weird and "catholic". I tried to give up chocolate once but I cheated. Like 3 days in. This time I really couldn't have imagined anything worth giving up more than chocolate. I'm on day 2 and just trying to figure out how not to replace it with something else, but instead reflect on why I'm fasting in the first place. But already I am constantly reminded of why and how I can use that time to focus on better things, like meditation or conversing with God (yes I do it often in my car).

I'm not really a big talker when it comes to faith. After all I did marry a theology major, so I have no room to talk....seriously...haha. Really, I just have my own deep sense of who God is to me and how my experience has led me to the here and now. I try not to influence others in swaying to be just like me or whatever because then, to me, it is not an authentic faith. I did too much of that when I was younger and I refuse to be that person now. Of course I will happily discuss with someone their views on God and experiences that have led them to discover faith in all its mystery. But until people find God for themselves, I don't know that they are truly experiencing Him and how am I supposed to help by forcing my values onto them? I don't do it, but I will converse and I do try my best to display love, hope, kindness, forgiveness, and all that is good about this life with others. I want to be real and honest and open with people about who I am. I will be who I am knowing that God has helped shape me and continues to love me no matter how much of a pain I can be sometimes. God is everywhere....all we have to do is look.

That is my idea of authentic faith.

Psychopathology Equals Torture

So, I'm sitting in my class. The only class that I have once a week, for four hours. I am paying a lot for this Masters program and this is the first (and probably only) module where I feel like I should get a refund. I wish I could explain this inescapable torture to you, but I would never purposefully wish that upon anyone....except this professor. It's only halfway over right now and I can't wait to leave. Only one more class left, and a crapload of assignments to get done by next week including a 15-25 page paper I have to do on Bulimia Nervosa Disorder. That should at least be interesting. I can only hope that one day I will look back on this and not remember it. Seriously.

On a random note...I have been discovering how much I dislike being ignored by others. I have recognized how much I (and my fellow classmates) ignore this professor in class and it somehow triggered my newly found pet peeve. You know, like when you try to talk to someone and you are obviously making an effort, but they just don't say more than one word back. Or when you push paperwork everyday and people ask what you do like you don't do anything at all. That's annoying and I do not appreciate it. Unfortunately, I am passive aggressive and can't stand confrontation so I suppose I can just blog about it instead. Good job Meg.

On another note, I have been feeling pretty pessimistic (can you tell?), but as I continue on with my support system in place, I feel that I can be more optimistic... obviously not during this blog, but it seems more plausible now. It is like finally getting a breathe of fresh air when I assumed that no air was left. There is so much of me that lives in the past or numbly reacts to the present, but as I have always been a hopeful person I believe that life can always be (and get) better.

We shall see......

Random

I sometimes wish that life was a musical and I was able to sing and dance spontaneously without people looking at me like I've lost my mind. I'm just saying, how many problems could we solve just by duking it out song & dance style? I would so win! Hahaha.
I was watching "Flight of the Conchords" last night and they pulled a West Side Story.... it was truly an amazing sight. If you don't know who they are, Google it right now! It will change your life, or at least make you laugh!
Anyway, I've decided that I should probably start working now instead of blogging. I have decided that at least 30 percent of my time is spent not focusing on anything at all when I'm working because it's a desk job and all I do is copy files and print stuff off the computer.
But at least I do have one and that I should be grateful for because of the present state of our 'beloved' economy. Look at me trying to be more positive, yay ( I never know how to spell that and that means something coming from me)!
I need to be careful or I might try to start liking Mondays......
Nope, never gonna happen.